When Abusive Spouses Cause
Problems in the Workplace

Dear Joan:

Here’s something I would like to see some feedback on. I’ll try to be brief. We just went through a really serious episode with a female employee. She was a good worker especially in terms of attendance. She was extremely dependable as well. She wasn’t as easy to supervise, as others, but I overlooked some of her shortcomings because she had such an outstanding work ethic.

But the other thing she had was a very controlling and abusive husband.

He demanded that she call him every single day at a certain time--come what may. If we were in a staff meeting she would get up and leave to call him. She also came to work one day with a black eye and told us all that they were moving a computer desk and it fell and hit her. I never believed it but had no proof otherwise.

One Sunday afternoon, she called me at home to say that she had to have him arrested. He was charged on three felony counts of terroristic threats, along with a misdemeanor for threatening to kill her and members of her family. He also had battered her quite badly. We asked her to take two-weeks vacation in order to get her out of our workplace. She had told us he had a gun.

His daughter (her stepdaughter) also came to our office demanding to see her. She openly announced to all that were able to hear her, that this woman was there to assault her (her exact words). Of course we called the police. Still, we had several employees shaken up by this. We hoped that in two weeks it would cool off.

The overriding factor was the safety of our employees

Unfortunately, we made a decision (after consulting our attorney) to terminate her. The overriding factor was the safety of our employees. For three weeks, we had been keeping our entrance doors locked but this made it very difficult for us to operate.

This is a small town workplace. One of our employees told me that while visiting at another church (a very common practice here) our former employee and her husband were sitting together in a pew holding hands. After he got out of jail, of course, he manipulated her right back into the relationship.

This is a fifty-year-old woman on her third marriage. No children involved. So, in the end, if we had not taken the step to terminate her, we would have been right back in the same situation.

Could this problem have been eliminated by a better pre-hiring screening process? We do background checks on our corporate employees. This did not come up in the background check. Any suggestions?

Answer:

This is the kind of story that often ends badly and shows up on the evening news—so very tragic. You were wise to consult your attorney on this situation and it sounds like the safety factor, as well as having to lock the doors of the business all added up to the unfortunate decision to let her go.

However, after consulting with a number of HR executives they emphasized that her job performance should be the main reason for termination and that in cases like this, most companies work with their security departments, and local police, to protect the employees and keep the person employed. Nevertheless, I’m sure the decision was made considering all the factors.

The cycle goes around and around: abuse, guilt, forgiveness

It’s no wonder your conscience was bothered…terminating her could make her home life even worse and yet knowing she went back to the abuser after he was released from jail is a familiar pattern in cases like these.

There are many helpful websites listed under a “domestic abuse” Internet search, and all of them are consistent on the signs to watch for: the abuser requiring set times to call home, “accidental” bruises are all part of the pattern. The abuser wants power and control over the partner and will use intimidation, isolation, and physical and emotional beatings to weaken the self-esteem of the victim.

The cycle goes around and around: abuse, guilt, forgiveness. My heart goes out to her and I hope she gets the courage to leave, once and for all.

There is no background check you could do to see this coming. It’s illegal to ask interview questions in this area. And even if one of her former employers divulged the situation, by law you aren’t supposed to deny her the job solely because her husband is abusive.

With domestic abuse on the rise, all companies would be wise to educate managers and their security staff about signals to watch for and steps to take to keep employees safe.

Joan Lloyd has a solid track record of excellent results. Her firm, Joan Lloyd & Associates, specializes in leadership development, organizational change and teambuilding. This includes executive coaching, 360-degree feedback processes, customized leadership training, conflict resolution between teams or individuals, internal consulting skills training for HR professionals and retreat facilitation. Clients report results such as: behavior change in leaders, improved team performance and a more committed workforce.

Joan Lloyd has earned her C.S.P. (certified speaking professional) designation from the National Speakers Association and speaks to corporate audiences, as well as trade & professional associations across the country. Reach her at (800) 348-1944, mailto:info@joanlloyd.com, or www.JoanLloyd.com.

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