Beliefs that Derail Sharp People
Why are otherwise highly intelligent folk often utterly irrational when judging those around them? Understanding the reasons for one's faulty perceptions will help prevent not only unjust assumptions, but also a lot of self-inflicted misery.
by Brady Wilson
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I’ve spent my life trying to figure out the answer to one simple question - Why do people do the things they do?
There’s no way to take the complexity of human behavior and boil it down to anything really simple, but I do have a few observations. See if they resonate with what you’ve experienced.
What people believe, drives how they act.
Manager A believes that people are generally trustworthy and want to give you an honest day’s work. Manager B believes that you can’t trust people. You have to watch them like a hawk. They will punch in at 8:00, punch out at 4:00 and give you the bare minimum. They’ll steal you blind if you let them.
Manager A will catch people doing things RIGHT. Manager B will try to catch people doing things WRONG.
Manager A will tend to delegate tasks to people and expect them to come back with great work. Manager B will keep tight controls on his workforce and expect the bare minimum. Manager A will give people the benefit of the doubt. Manager B will read malice into peoples’ words and actions where none is intended.
The problem: beliefs devoid of reality
Why do beliefs have such a powerful influence and trigger fear in us? It becomes a real problem when our beliefs are based on unrealities, like:
- The man who was told as a boy, “You are stupid. You will never amount to anything.”
- The woman who believes that she is responsible for causing her parents to separate.
- The manager who believes that to be respected, he has to be liked by others.
- The woman who got the message that no matter how hard she tried, she could not live up to her father’s expectations. She believes that she is a disappointment.
Beliefs like these can cause life-long pain. There has to be a way of re-calibrating faulty beliefs.
When you begin to see yourself through the eyes of the people that surround you, a composite reality begins to form that is often more accurate than the one you have believed about yourself. Seeing yourself through one person’s eyes may not give you such an accurate perspective, but seeing yourself through the eyes of many trusted, objective friends can give you an accurate picture of reality.
Weeding out: emerging from your self-made prison
If it’s getting into others’ frames of reference and seeing ourselves the way they see us that can re-calibrate our faulty beliefs, it’s important to try to weed out some of the beliefs that keep us stuck in our own frame of reference.
Here is a list of faulty beliefs that derail sharp people by keeping them stuck in their own Frames of Reference. From this self-made prison, it is impossible to gain perspective, to be objective or to accurately perceive reality.
Check off any of these faulty beliefs that you recognize as your own. (WARNING: This is not a list you read for fun.) To determine if any of these beliefs are affecting you, ask yourself the following question before reading each one:
Do I often come to the conclusion that....
- I cannot trust people
- People who don’t agree with me don’t understand me
- If I push, I will be rejected
- I can’t seem to understand
- I have to be more forceful to effectively persuade people
- Others are more important than me
- Difference is bad
- I need to please people to be accepted
- It’s bad to bring up negative things from the past
- Confrontation is too painful for me
- To be safe, I have to be in control
- Nobody seems to care what I think
- People are only interested in me for what I can do for them
- Nothing can be done once you’ve blown it in a relationship
- No one understands me
- Where do you think this belief came from?
- In what ways do you think it has been affecting me negatively?
- What is the truth, or reality about me with respect to this issue? (ie. Do I have to be in control to be safe?)
Looking at each belief you checked off, ask yourself, "How has this belief derailed me in both my personal and professional lives?"
Book some time with a few trusted, objective people who know you well and make it your goal to see yourself from their perspective. Ask them these following questions:
Your goal : discover a greater degree of reality about yourself so you can gain a greater depth of perception about your beliefs and the behaviours they drive.
Copyright © Juice Inc. 2005
Brady Wilson is co-founder of Juice Inc. a strategic communications training company that helps leaders create a culture where it’s easier to get results and it feels good to work. For more information about Juice Inc. and for many useful resources, visit http://www.JuiceFactor.ca. To contact Brady, email him at info@JuiceFactor.ca.
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Some Related Articles:
How Faulty Filters Lead to Faulty Communications
Our Belief Systems and Misunderstandings
Act As If You Like Everyone!
Validate Your Assumptions!
You Have to Probe Deeper: On the Danger of First Impressions
The Boss Who Didn't Understand Why His Staff Wasn't Reading His Mind
Motivating People: Why We Have It Inside Out
Get No Respect? Try This Unusual Approach!
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