“Oh, Jack, I forgot to mention,” says Jill to her husband early one morning as he gulps down the last drop of coffee and grabs his jacket and briefcase. “I spoke to your mother yesterday. She insists she’s OK, but doesn’t sound well to me. Better check in her on your way back from work.”
Fast forward 10 hours. Jack walks in. The hour is 7:10, precisely 40 minutes after the time, John usually arrives home. “Hey, what happened to you, mister?” screams Edith, pointing an agitated finger at the clock on the wall.
“What do you mean what happened? Have you forgotten you told me to stop by my Mom on the way….”
“Hah, do you think I have amnesia? But I said check in on her. Did I say that you should stay there for half an hour plus?”
OK, it’s the end of an exhausting day, and with a brood of small children yelling for her attention, Jill won’t be relaxing any time soon. We sympathize.
But does she expect her husband to carry a dictionary around with him, to double check the literal meaning of every word and phrase she utters – just in case it might be in conflict with the accepted meaning, the way 99% of people would understand the term? Will both husband and wife have to hire big-name lawyers, to decide between the letter of the law and its popular interpretation?
We hope not. Certain styles of communication can drive a family crazy. This is one of them.
We have judged Jill rather harshly (Don’t worry, Jill, we love you! We just want to help increase the harmony in the home), but sometimes Jack is no angel either.
Like the time, for example, when Jill was running late for an appointment, and as happens to the best of us precisely at such times, was searching frantically for that small piece of metal without which she would remain grounded.
“Did you see my car keys?” she enquired of Jack. “I left them on this table earlier on.”
“No, I didn’t see them”, answers her husband.
“That’s funny. I’m sure they were here a few minutes ago.”
“Hey! Are you calling me a liar?”
“What? I called you a liar? Well, if there is a liar around here, I wonder who’s the one…”
Unfortunately, communication styles that are destined to drive everyone crazy – whether that’s the intention of those who initiate them or not - are far too common. In the interest of peace, harmony and growth in the home, workplace or society at large, we have to do our utmost to guard against them.
Azriel Winnett is the author of the highly acclaimed, eye-opening book How to Build Relationships That Stick. An enhanced edition is now available as a paperback.

