You don’t have to look very far on the Net today to find articles, tutorials, videos, audio files and what have you on how to “read” the body language of the people around you. (I like to think that the content on our own site is as comprehensive a selection on the topic as you’ll find, all in the same place.)
The most perfunctory online search will yield literally millions of items written or presented by people with varying degrees of expertise or non-expertise, approaching the subject from various angles and with many different objectives. But notwithstanding all the variety, it seems there’s a common denominator underlying more than 90% of all this material.
It’s simply this: in almost all cases, the underlying goal is to enable you, the consumer of the content, to use your newly acquired knowledge of body language or non-verbal communication to influence another person or other people in some way or other.
You could be a salesperson keen to learn what your prospects are really thinking and how they are genuinely feeling, to be in a better position to convince them to purchase your product. Or, for whatever reason, you want to control a certain individual or group of people, to persuade them to submit to your will in some way.
So what do you do? Well, the solution is simple, you think to yourself. You just rush to find some instruction in body language.
If that’s all we do with what we’ve learned on the subject, that’s awfully sad. Really.
Let’s say that every morning at 8 a.m. you catch a bus to work from the same stop. Invariably, a neighbor from the other end of the street waits at the same stop. You don’t know him well and probably don’t have very much in common with him, but the two of you always greet each other and politely inquire after each other’s welfare.
One morning, you say “Good morning, how are you today?” and he responds with his customary “Oh, fine, very well thank you.” But a quick look at his facial expression and body posture makes you suspect that he’s far from “fine” or “very well.” ( I mean, after the two and a half articles you read on the Web yesterday, you’re an expert on body language, aren’t you?)
Perhaps the guy is afflicted with a rather severe dose of ‘flu, or even something far worse, but nonetheless, he’s on his way to the office out of fear of losing a client, losing his job, or to attend to something urgent… Or perhaps, he’s not actually ill physically (not yet), but although he’s traveling to work now, he’s due to be retrenched within a few days from the company he has served loyally and faithfully for 20 years. At this point, he’s almost paralyzed with anxiety over how he’s going to feed his family.
It’s not hard to imagine how a few well-chosen words of comfort, even if nothing else, could make all the difference to this poor man’s day.
Whether your “subject” is a fellow commuter on the bus or train, a stranger standing in line with you at the post office or bank, the cashier at the supermarket checkout, that nice old lady or even grumpy old man who lives next door…your skill in interpreting physical cues can indeed make a tremendous difference in someone’s life.
And the interesting thing is, if you’re sincerely interested in others, you can develop your sensitivity to the point where sometimes you won’t even need the physical, overt signs. Your instinct and gut feeling will be enough to tell you when someone needs your help.
Now, that’s a level well worth working towards.
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