What’s the difference between a good leader and an excellent leader ? According to Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ and various other books on the same topic, the answer to that is a no-brainer. You guessed it, of course: it’s emotional intelligence. At any rate, that’s what accounts for at least 85% of the difference!

And if you think seriously about what emotional intelligence really is, that’s no great surprise.

Harvey Deutschendorf, Emotional Intelligence Coach at a large human resource organization, tells in a fascinating article how his company developed a special program to train potential leaders to replace managers who would be retiring in the coming years. As part of the program, a section of the company newsletter was devoted to emotional intelligence. This included sharing stories of personal experiences where emotional intelligence was evident, as examples from which the budding leaders could learn.

The following is one of these stories.

The writer was standing in the cashier’s lineup at the local courthouse, waiting to pay for a speeding ticket. Ahead of him, in front of the line , was a short elderly gentleman. He took a fat wad of bills out of his pocket and counted them out in front of the cashier – and as he did so, he was laughing all the while! The writer watched in amazement as the man handed over the money, took his receipt and grinned from ear to ear as he said to the cashier: “Now I’m free!”

The writer was curious to hear what the cashier thought of this, and as he took his turn he remarked to her that he had never seen someone who was happy while paying a fine. They both enjoyed a chuckle and then it struck the writer that he had just witnessed another first – never before had he seen an official in that kind of establishment smile!

When the cashier asked him to sign his credit card stub, the writer quipped that there was no place for a tip on it. As he left, the cashier thanked him for “making my day.” As for the very jovial gentleman who by now had disappeared from the scene, little did he probably realize what a powerfully positive effect he had on at least two strangers that day!

After noting that walking away in an upbeat mood after having just paid a fine was anything but typical for him, the writer points out that two lessons he had just learned were, above all, reasons for rejoicing.

Firstly: the stranger had demonstrated that we all choose how to react in any given situation. Secondly and most importantly, we should never underestimate the impact that our behaviors have on others.

To be sure, internalizing these two basic but unappreciated facts is a vital life skill that needs to be mastered by anyone and everyone. But certainly, these two lessons are doubly important in the context of leadership training. As Deutschendorf notes, learning to deal effectively with adversity and and the ability to carry on despite setbacks are crucial leadership skills.

And as we have seen, staying positive is essential to good leadership for another reason: leaders are in a position where they can affect the mood of many people under them.