From time to time, we all get hurt – hopefully not physically, but at least emotionally – in consequence of some kind of offensive behavior on the part of another person. Sometimes, the offending party’s conduct is deliberate as well as malicious, sometimes deliberate but well-meaning, and sometimes just plain careless.

But regardless of the intention, when we’re hurt, we’re hurt! And of course, when the one causing the hurt is someone with whom we enjoy a close relationship, we feel it even more.

At the same time, as mature and responsible adults, we may feel we have no choice but to take the initiative to mend the relationship – even though we’re the innocent party (or so we believe), and taking such initiative really goes against the grain. We may also come to the conclusion, however hard it may be,  that our very first step in such a process must be to find place in our heart to forgive our adversary, or at least, to let go of our rights.

Of course, that’s not always as easy as it sounds, and long, long after you’ve outwardly forgiven the other guy, and even if, as far as the outside world can see, a full reconciliation has apparently taken place, who knows what’s still cooking deep inside your heart?

As you know, I love telling stories, and embedded in this little tale are some  timely lessons on our topic. (It really happened, too, although, as usual, I’ve changed the names and some minor details.)

Paul MacArthur was a young house painter. He had taken up that trade not long previously and didn’t feel experienced enough yet to take on big jobs, but he still made quite a decent living on small assignments, usually just two or three rooms every time. One day he had a call from a first-time client who wanted him to  repaint just one room  in his house.  Paul  froze to the spot with shock, and his whole body began to shiver  when he recognized both the voice and the name at the other end of the line.

Who was this man, and why, in the space of a second,  had he caused an elevation in Paul’s blood pressure to almost double its normal level?  To answer that, we have to go back to Paul’s days in high school.  These  should have been the happiest days of his life.  But one very small incident had cast such a cloud of the whole period that Paul would shudder every time someone as much as mentioned the word “school.”

One day,  an unidentified pupil had misbehaved badly in class, and in a fit of rage, the teacher had hastily assumed Paul to be the source of the trouble.  In full view  of his classmates and before he could say a word in his defense, Paul had been given such a whacking that it took several weeks to fully recover.  From the physical wound, that is. As for the emotional scars, they seemed destined to remain with him for the rest of his life.

As you guessed, Paul’s prospective client happened to be that teacher,   who doubtlessly had long forgotten both the  incident and the name of  the  student on whom he had inflicted so much plain.  Paul was in a spot, for the last thing he wanted was to do a job for this man. He had an idea: he would quote double his normal fee, and then surely,  the offer would be politely declined and he would never hear from his tormentor again.

As expected, the man expressed surprise at the figure quoted and rang off, but he called again 20 minutes later  with the news:  “You’re darned expensive, but OK, I’ll take you this time.”  As reluctant as he was to work for a man he hated, Paul had little choice but to agree.

This was one assignment Paul certainly did not enjoy, but at least he would be pocketing double what the job was really worth!  And when it was all over,  Paul surprised himself by feeling that he hated his former teacher just a wee bit less.

A couple of months later,  that same man called again,  and announced that he had been very satisfied with Paul’s immaculate work, and could he please find time  to  come and do a couple of more rooms that very badly needed a fresh coat of paint.   Again, Paul quoted an exorbitant price, again the offer was “reluctantly” accepted, and again Paul found that the deep resentment in his heart had receded ever so minutely.

The process repeated itself several times over the next couple of years. First, it was some new extensions to the teacher’s house, then the houses of his grown-up children, then his brother-in-law’s factory.  Each time, Paul charged his “special” fee, and each time he felt his deep-rooted anger decreasing a little bit more.  Then, on the next occasion, he did a complete flip-flop and offered a 50% discount on his standard fee!

The moment he completed that last job, his client came over to him, pushed the agreed payment into his hand, and whispered in his ear: “Thank you, Paul, for agreeing to work from me.”

Paul was so taken aback that he almost collapsed on the spot.  So the former school teacher had recognized him all along?

“Yes,” explained his client. “You  see,  the wicked way I treated you that day in school has been haunting me for years.  But I knew that I had hurt you so badly  that if I merely approached you and begged  your forgiveness,  there was no way you could have done it with a full heart. So I hit on this plan of engaging your services,  realizing what your conditions would probably be, and I was hoping that little by little, your heart might start melting…”

Well, not only did Paul forgive with a full heart, but the two men became close friends, and after his former teacher and client’s passing some years later, Paul even helped the man’s children when they were in financial difficulties.

Yes, the process of forgiveness works wonders when it comes to healing very deep emotional wounds.  And when the festering sore just refuses to be healed, the one who caused the injury in the first instance  often has the remedy in his hands.  It  just takes a  lot of will and courage to use it.