It’s no secret. Many people are just too wrapped up in their favorite subject – or their favorite human being (guess who that is?) – to conduct a meaningful conversation with another party.
“I really would rather talk about myself than listen to you. And when I do listen to you, I relate everything you say to myself anyway. You can tell because when you’ve finally finished talking, the next word out of my mouth is ‘I.’ “
Familiar story? Then again, some people don’t have particularly big egos and can be great listeners when they really want to, but suffer from auditory blackouts when they are upset, angry, busy or just plain bored – even though precisely at these times careful listening can pay the greatest dividends.
In the world of business, successful salespeople know that the 70-30 rule can make all the difference to their bottom line. This means that you listen 70% of the time and talk 30% of the time. Why? Because your prospects aren’t waiting for your slick sales talk and flowery presentations; they want the opportunity to tell you what their problems are.
Indeed, talking of problems, it’s not only the sales department that has a need for people with finely honed listening skills. They required in every area of business. Inability to listen is a major factor affecting the inability to solve problems in the workplace.
Many years ago, a small group of heads of departments of a large non-profit organization were traveling together in a minibus with the CEO. I happened to be one of the departmental heads. We were on our way to a training seminar at a location some distance out of town.
During the ride, the CEO brought us up to date regarding a fairly serious unsolved problem that had been impacting on the reputation of the organization for a some time. Now that we were all sitting together with a long ride ahead of us, the CEO suggested we air our ideas regarding possible solutions.
An initial two or three minutes of silence followed as we all turned the topic over in our minds. What happened next was very much like an orchestra tuning up.
A senior member of the team broke the ice and began to make a point. But she was scarcely two sentences into her presentation when a colleague butted in. Ostensibly, the interruption was merely to correct a factual error. However, the interrupter immediately went off at a tangent to talk about a completely different aspect of the topic.
He, in turn, was interrupted by a third member of the group, and than a fourth, who raised her voice a few decibels to make sure she came through loud and clear. In the meantime, the first two were still carrying on with what had now become monologues, for none of us were still listening to them by that stage.
Yes, their words did reach our ears. But that’s hardly the same thing as listening. At the end of the journey, I doubt whether any of the group could have repeated back or summarized the suggestions or point of view of any of their colleagues.
A lot of talk, no communication. What’s interesting is that not long afterwards we gathered in the boardroom to discuss the same subject. This time, since we were now operating under the rules of a formal meeting, none of us dared to cut into the speech of a colleague.
For all that, nothing much had changed. Each member of the team addressed the meeting with unmistakable enthusiasm. But their later comments made it very clear that although their bodies may have been in the room while their colleagues were taking the floor, their minds could have been who knows where.
Human nature, yes, but not corporate teamwork at its best!
When it comes to good communication, the ability to listen is, in fact, only part of the story. It’s but the first step in the all important process of creating and sustaining empathy.
Nevertheless, the simple, almost forgotten, art of listening can be an extremely powerful force for the good.
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