Over the years, we have written and published a wealth of material on our site and our blog on a very special  emotion that serves as a key facilitator in all effective interpersonal relationships – namely, empathy?  What  do you usually think of when you read the word in print or hear the concept mentioned in everyday speech?

When Dr Carol Kinsey Goman, author of the THE NONVERBAL ADVANTAGE-Secret and Science of  Body Language at Work (and various training programs on this topic) hears someone mention “empathy”, she thinks of mirror neurons and body language? And monkeys. A strange combination, so what’s the connection?

Dr Goman writes about a research laboratory in Italy where neuroscientists were studying the brain cells of macaque monkeys. When the monkeys performed a single highly specific hand action, sophisticated monitoring equipment detected that neurons in the motor cortex of the animals’ brains become very active. For example, every time a monkey reached for a peanut, certain brain cells immediately “fired”.

Then one day, by chance, the reseachers discovered something particularly interesting. A monkey connected to the monitoring device happened to see a human grab a peanut. The same neurons fired in the same way! In terms of motor cell activity, the monkey’s brain could not tell the difference between actually doing something and seeing it done by someone else.

In other words, these brain cells reflected the actions that the monkey observed in others,  which is why the researchers dubbed them “mirror neurons”.

What is fascinating is not only that later experiments confirmed that these same neurons  exist in humans, but in addition to mirroring actions, the human brain cells also reflected sensations and feelings!

In one study , subjects watched a hand move forward to caress  someone else and then saw another hand push it away rudely. The brains of the subjects registered the pain of social rejection as if it were happening to them. Why? Because empathizing with someone, whether in grief or joy, apparently activates the very same circuits in your own brain as your companion who experienced the original emotion! Mirror neurons are well named indeed.

In her training programs on nonverbal literacy,  Goman  describes  “empathy ” as “the human ability to internalize the emotional state of others by  simply observing their body language.  The moment you become aware of a strong emotion felt by someone in your immediate environment – whether you can see it on the face or read it in the person’s gestures or bodily posture –   you begin,  however subconsciously, to place yourself in that person’s mental shoes, to get under their skin,  so to speak.

Before you know it, you are experiencing  the identical emotion, feeling your companion’s happiness,  excitement, confusion or  disappointment  as if it were your own.

And that, after all, is what empathy – genuine empathy, in the heart, not on the sleeve – is all about.

It’s something that happens in the best of organizations. The boss drafts a report and asks a staff member to proofread it. The assistant brings the report back with a section marked and says, “I don’t understand what you mean here,” to which the boss replies, “Oh, that’s technical–it’ll be clear to the lawyers when they review it.” Two weeks later, the lawyers ask for a rewrite of the same section.

To consultant Dianna Booher, this is a scenario that’s all too familiar, as she points out in her Communication Tip of the Month e-newsletter:  ” People always assume the confusion happens on the other end of the communication–that what they themselves say is perfectly clear and that the other person just missed it somehow.”

Very nice – at least for your ego.  But in business communication, you may be asking for trouble if you assume too much.  Wise communicators never take their skills for granted.

Want a good gauge of your own clarity, or lack of it?  Beware the blank stare!

Need additional signs that your message just might not be getting through? Booher offers the following:

Lack of questions. (You call for questions at the end of a presentation, and there are none. Or, you bring up an idea in a meeting and you’re greeted with only polite smiles.)

Unexpected responses. (People respond irrationally to what you say, such as with anger, withdrawal, silence, or denial.)

Lack of coordination. Things “fall between the cracks” in coordinating projects.)

Low morale. (People feel discouraged that they can never “get it right” when, in fact, projects are frequently delegated without essential elements for successful completion.)

Rework. (Projects have to be redone because the instructions weren’t clear the first time. Or, extra work was completed “just in case” to “cover all the bases” because somebody wasn’t sure what was needed.)

Bottom line remains as always: fuzzy words lead – at very best – to fuzzy action. Only with clear words canyou expect clear action.