Written by A famous rabbi was once talking a walk with one of his students, when they came across two small boys playing at the side of the street.
“Lets see which one of us is the taller,” they were saying to each other. Whereupon, one of the boys immediately placed his two hands on the head of his friend and forcefully pushed him down. “See, I am taller than you are!”, the self-declared winner of the little game squealed in delight.
“Mark my words,” remarked the rabbi, “that youngster will grow up to be a gangster. He wants to make himself taller? That’s fine. He could have achieved that result by standing on that rock over there. That would show enterprise and hurt no one.owing enterprise an But to elevate himself – literally or figuratively – at the expense of his fellow, by making him smaller, that puts him beyond the pale.”
And as the rabbi predicted, so it happened.
Several years ago, I posted on our website an illuminating article by Moshe Kranc, an evangelist for happier (and therefore more productive and profitable) workplaces through changing managerial mindsets. The author cited a parable that an itinerant preacher of a long bygone era used to love to tell and retell. (Kranc, calls it a “corporate parable”, since it’s applicable to the corporate environment as much as any other social setting.) It’s worthwhile repeating here:
“I once ascended to the firmaments. I first went to see Hell and the sight was horrifying. Row after row of tables were laden with platters of sumptuous food, yet the people seated around the tables were pale and emaciated, moaning in hunger. As I came closer, I understood their predicament.
“Every person held a full spoon, but both arms were splinted with wooden slats so he could not bend either elbow to bring the food to his mouth. It broke my heart to hear the tortured groans of these poor people as they held their food so near but could not consume it.
A positive and productive self-image does not mean a corresponding devaluation of other people. In fact, just the opposite occurs. |
“Next I went to visit Heaven. I was surprised to see the same setting I had witnessed in Hell – row after row of long tables laden with food. But in contrast to Hell, the people here in Heaven were sitting contentedly talking with each other, obviously sated from their sumptuous meal.
“As I came closer, I was amazed to discover that here, too, each person had his arms splinted on wooden slats that prevented him from bending his elbows. How, then, did they manage to eat?
“As I watched, a man picked up his spoon and dug it into the dish before him. Then he stretched across the table and fed the person across from him! The recipient of this kindness thanked him and returned the favor by leaning across the table to feed his benefactor.
I suddenly understood. Heaven and Hell offer the same circumstances and conditions. The critical difference is in the way the people treat each other.
I ran back to Hell to share this solution with the poor souls trapped there. I whispered in the ear of one starving man, “You do not have to go hungry. Use your spoon to feed your neighbor, and he will surely return the favor and feed you.”
“‘You expect me to feed the detestable man sitting across the table?’ said the man angrily. ‘I would rather starve than give him the pleasure of eating!’
“I then understood G-d’s wisdom in choosing who is worthy to go to Heaven and who deserves to go to Hell.”
As I point out in my book How to Build Relationships That Stick, we find a disturbing phenomenon in some circles in modern society. A distorted and mistaken view of the term “self-esteem” is becoming prevalent. When too many people talk of “self-esteem”, what they really mean is narcissism and self-centeredness.
A positive and productive self-image does not mean a corresponding devaluation of other people. In fact, just the opposite occurs. A positive self-image will result in a healthy respect for all around us. This is the self-image we need to strive for.
This is especially important if we are striving for better relationships. Whenever self-centeredness, pride, or the Ego walks in through the door, harmonious relationships fly straight out the window. The only results are emotional pain, frustration and humiliation.
Azriel Winnett is the author of the highly acclaimed, eye-opening book How to Build Relationships That Stick. An enhanced edition is now available as a paperback.
