Consider this little conversation. It’s imaginary, of course, but we know that caustic exchanges like this are a dime a dozen in family life.
One fine morning, just as Jack begins to tuck into a hearty breakfast, his good wife, Jill, offers the following comment as she sighs deeply:
“I woke up at six o’clock and I feel as though I’ve already put in a day’s work?”
“What?” exclaims hubby, rather unsympathetically. “You woke up at six o’clock? When I took the dog out for a brisk early morning walk, you were still sleeping. That was just before seven.”
“So what? Are you now calling me a liar?”
“I didn’t say that!”
“But you implied it!”
“Did I really? You know, you’re always distorting my words. I say one thing, you claim I said another. I just can’t talk to you…”
“What? I’m distorting your words? You can’t talk to me?
And so the conversation continues. In circles. But not for long, because Jack has to hurry to catch his bus to work. His breakfast is almost untouched, but who feels like eating anyway? He leaves without as much as giving his wife a parting look, while Jill resigns herself to a miserable day.
Why did Jack feel compelled to have the last word? What earth-shattering consequence hinged on whether or not Jill was wide awake or fast asleep at a certain hour in the morning?
None, of course. But the relevance of the matter was hardly the point. The point is just that we demand to have the last word. We relish pointing out inconsistencies in others. We love winning arguments.
But does anybody win an argument? We don’t think so. Arguments only cause tensions to escalate. No winners, just losers.
The overwhelming desire to come out on top at all costs is a very human failing, but a failing nonetheless. When you think about it, it’s really amazing how strong is our desire to best even those to whom we feel closest and whom we love the most.
Restraint in speech, constant awareness of the insidious nature of one-up-manship, is a critical prerequisite for marital harmony.
To remain silent in the face of an overwhelming urge to have the last word may require tremendous discipline at times. But look at what you gain!
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