I was about to settle down to write something on the communication problems of teenagers in distress, when I came across a revealing news report of recent research somewhat relevant to my topic. It concerned teens and attempts by their parents to get them to quit smoking. So this post will serve as an introduction to the next one.

In a joint project of journalism faculty members at the Universities of Missouri-Columbia and Kansas, the researchers asked youngsters questions on their knowledge of and attitudes towards smoking, and the type of communication they’ve had with their parents about it.

In short, they found that when parents “lecture” their offspring about the dangers of smoking without, in turn, attentively listening to what the kids have to say about it, their efforts may well be futile and and liable to backfire. In other words, one-sided communication just doesn’t do the trick.

The researchers suggested that open discussions, especially if they that are part of a multiperson strategy would do a better job of deterring youth from smoking. Parents’ first step should be to ask their children what they think of smoking and listen to their responses. Then, and only then, should mom and dad explain why their youngsters’ perceptions or assumptions may be faulty or incomplete.

Over 20 years ago two erudite ladies wrote a runaway bestseller whose title says it all: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. The simple fact is that nobody, no matter how old or how young, likes to be lectured to. But there are ways of doing things to accomplish your objectives.

On the subject of improving your communication with your teenagers, you’ll find this article on our site helpful.

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