The 'Reverse Gossip' Game

There's nothing positive about gossip. It ruins lives, destroys reputations, splits families, alienates friends and can make school or the workplace unbearable. But is there anything you can do when you're caught in the line of fire? Sure! Here's what.

Question: My once-happy workplace is now filled with backstabbers. I'm afraid to leave the room because of what might be said about me, and it seems everyone else feels the same way.

I must admit, from time to time, I'm as guilty of gossip as anyone, and would like to see this trend reversed (is it possible to reverse gossip and make it good?) I notice gossip in many other areas of life as well. It's certainly glorified in the media. Is there a way to overcome this issue?"

First, let's define the term, "gossip" as "The unnecessary sharing of any type of harmful or hurtful information."

Gossip is one of the world's most destructive habits, and we're exposed to it practically everywhere we go - work, recreation, sports, home, in magazines, on television, etc. There is absolutely nothing beneficial about gossip - it hurts EVERYONE involved.

There's a term for it in Hebrew; it's called Loshon Hora (Loshon = Tongue, Hora = evil). Loshon hora, or gossip, is the same whether speaking it or listening to it. What's more, it's still Loshon Hora even if what we say about a person is true!

And, despite the instant gratification it may bring (isn't it fun?), it will not make the person we are sharing this with, trust us any deeper.

They will subconsciously be thinking, "Hmm, I wonder what he/she says about me when I'm not there." It certainly will not help in the Winning Without Intimidation process.

A new game for a change

So, let's try something different.

The name of our new game is, "The Reverse Gossip Game." In this game, instead of telling people the gossip people say about them or others, let's repeat only the good that people say (even if we have to "suggest" that good), and find reasons to judge others favorably in all other situations.

You and John

Let's say John speaks negatively about Mary. For example.

John: Mary is really lazy.

You: I've never noticed that. She is talented, wouldn't you agree?

John (Grudgingly): Yes, I guess so.

You and Mary

Later you see Mary at the coffee machine and the conversation goes as follows:

You: I was talking with John earlier. He was saying you are very talented

(After all, he did agree to that, didn't he?).

Mary: Wow! I didn't know he thought that of me. I've always felt he was very judgmental and snobby.

You: Hmm, never picked up on that. Really hard worker, isn't he?

Mary: Well, I guess you have to give him credit for that.

You and John, again

The next day you and John are talking and you happen to mention:

You: Mary was talking about how hard a worker you are.

John: Really? Didn't think she liked me, but maybe she's not so bad after all.

All thanks to you!

Now, the next time John and Mary cross paths they both see each other in an entirely different light, with a completely different attitude and set of expectations - one of peace, enjoyment, and kindness. And it all happened because of you.

You don't feel as though you've manipulated them, do you? There are people who might feel that way. Interesting, isn't it?

It's perfectly acceptable to repeat the bad and cause trouble, but to help along (positively persuade) the good and create peace between people may be looked at in a negative way. I don't think so.

Creating peace is never a negative concept! And if anyone tells you it is . . . please don't believe them.

Instead, find something good about them. Then tell someone else.

Bob Burg of Burg Comunications,Inc is author of EndlessReferrals: Network Your Everyday Contacts Into Sales, Winning Without Intimidation and The Success Formula. Check out his full line of books, ebooks and CDs from which everyone can grow and prosper at his online store. Bob also publishes a wide-acclaimed free weekly ezine, Winning Without Intimidation. Subscribe here.

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How to Put an End to Office Gossip
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