Beware of Verbal Kryptonite!

A problematic choice of words and expressions and inappropriate language - even when spoken indavertently with only good intentions - could in an instant kill rapport, destroy hard-earned credibility and place tremendous train on hitherto warm relationships. Learning what to avoid in advance will save much heartache later.

by Robert G. Jerus

Saying the wring thing can be as hazardous as not saying the right one, perhaps more so. A lack of manners or breach of integrity can manifest itself in a a costly verbal miscue.

Some of these mistakes may be so great that a relationship can be hopelessly broken. Wasted words will lose the audience's attention and result in boredom.

Verbal kryptonite refers to the subtle word cues that sabotage relationships and targeted results. These seemingly minor faux pas disconnect the audience, create questions of credibility and/or generate hostile feelings.

1. Pompous, high sounding, elitist language

Words are meant to connect. When the audience feels a distance, there is resentment and disconnect.

Those who use elitist language are often trying for an educated, formal tone; or merely trying to establish a level of expertise, but they miss the mark. Language that the audience does not understand or that is pretentious creates barriers.

To overcome this trap, actively look for verbal and nonverbal feedback. Audience expressions will tell whether they're tracking or not and whether rapport has been established.

Use familiar words that the listener can relate to. Be with the audience, not above.

2. Emotionally charged words

Some words, particularly abstractions, generate strong feelings in audiences. Merely using them arouses anger and hostility. They tend to make value statements and judgments merely by their presence. Typically, there is not a great distinction between the denotation of a close alternative but the connotation has a dominant impact.

For example, to say a soldier murdered the enemy rather than killed significantly alters impact. These emotional charges are often tapped by politicians and salespeople in a subtle way. Be cafreful in choosing words that have deep feelings.

3. Vulgar language

There is no excuse for vulgarity. It betrays a lack of self-control and disrespect for others. While not everyone may be offended by a vulgar display, many are. Those who don't express their annoyance may feel it privately.

No one can afford the reputation and image of coarseness.

4. Negative tone; belittling; condescending; showing disrespect

There's a difference between being confident and cocky. Confident people are assured of their abilities. They don't need to denigrate others. Cocky people are obnoxious. They insult to create an air of superiority.

Disrespect, insults, or other violations of dignity separate the sender from listeners. People feel uncomfortable and tentative in developing relationships. Negative tones anticipate bad things. They generate pessimism.

People feel ill at ease with negative individuals. Positive, kind language connects!

5. Offensive, harassing statements

Harassment, inappropriate humor, and offensive comments show a flagrant disregard for the audience's sensibilities. If people are kind enough to listen, they should be treated with the appropriate respect and dignity. Offensive comments about people not present are both inappropriate and wrong. They irritate listeners and betray a lower personal caliber.

6. Being insensitive

Feedback sets the stage for conversation. No matter what the guidelines, a good sender is aware of the cues the audience is sending back. This comes from an appreciation and sensitivity to their concerns. When an audience communicates a negative response, the speaker changes the delivery and/or the topic.

7. Abusing qualifiers; making weak statements

Vague, ambiguous statements lose an audience. They are made with qualifiers such as "I think", "it seems", and other wishy-washy statements. These make the message weaker and convey doubt. These imprecise statements make the audience question and dismiss what is communicated. They set the tone to reject both the speaker and the message.

8. Confusing, fuzzy words

Some words have multiple meanings. Abstract ones tend to create vague images in the listener's mind. These are fuzzy words that send ambiguous messages.

Confusing messages discourage and annoy listeners. The problem becomes worse when the receiver feels that the message was intentionally vague or ambiguous.

Active, precise words are the cure. Concrete terms generate specific, readily understood messages. The astute sender confirms that understanding has been accurately established. By generating clear signals, connection and communication establish ongoing relations

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9. Monologue instead of dialogue

A monologue is a soliloquy where the listener is fairly inconsequential. Speech is essentially self-talk done out loud. The audience is privy to the words but serves as merely hearers rather than full participants in communication. Feedback, questions and discussion is not of interest to the sender.

Most times, monologues occur inadvertently when the sender neglects to pay attention to the audience. In these cases, listeners feel ignored, disrespected, or, at the least, disconnected.

10. Using red flag words

Red flag words send danger signals to the listener. Typically, these words offer the audience subtle cues that things are taking a direction they may want to avoid.

Some to be careful of include: contract objection; can't; expense; might; cheap; but; should; always; try; must; problem; no; if; never.

Copyright Robert G. Jerus.

Robert G. Jerus is the Catalyst of Communication Achievement from Success Dynamics International, which empowers organizations to perform at exceptional levels by releasing the power of communication. He presents keynotes on high performance, customer service, and all aspects of communication. He can be reached at 863-420-1929, by e-mail at RJerus@SuccessDynamics.Org or by visiting his website at www.successdynamics.org.

Some Related Articles:

But Me No Buts!
Stop Slinging Slang! The Plague of Loose Language
Verbal Faux Pas: The Words You Use Can Empower or Confuse
Words Have No Meaning Until You Give it to Them
Words We'd Love to Do Without
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