Don't Be Intimidated By
The Loud-Mouthed Screamer

You know the type too well. If you find yourself in the slightest disagreement with them, they take the wind out of your sails so fast that you're too confused to respond appropriately. But there are solutions. It's a matter of practice.

by Bob Burg

After publishing an article discussing why Winning Without Intimidation is more effective than trying to win via intimidating others, I received an email from a newer subscriber who had a very valid point.

She wrote, "There are times when, in the course of my work, I must negotiate with an aggressive, dishonest, bully. You touched on this today, but more 'nuts and bolts' detail would be nice. There must be better ways to kindly protect myself from bullying and dishonest manipulation."

She is absolutely correct. Although we've dealt with some of the specifics in past articles, let's look at a couple of generic techniques that bullies might use in order to intimidate *you*, and what you can do to defend yourself, turn the situation around and have everyone come out a winner.

Please keep in mind that "bullies" come in all kinds of shapes, sizes and genders. They are involved in all types of professions. And, they appear in all types of situations.

Today, let's feature the "Loud-Mouthed Screamer". This is the person who...well, has a loud mouth and screams.

You're so surprised, you react in one of two ways - neither of which will help your cause

If you "all of a sudden" find yourself in a negotiation, transaction or disagreement with this type, dealing with him or her can be a horrible experience.

Mainly, because you are so surprised, you don't have time to "respond" properly, and might "react" in either one of two ways - by cowering away or by screaming right back.

Neither of those two "reactions" will usually help your cause.

That's why it is important to first rehearse, in your mind, how you will deal with a loud-mouthed screamer the next time it happens. Remember that your subconscious does not know the difference between truth and your imagination.

Thus, as an astronaut rehearses his or her space flight thousands of times in simulation so that the actual flight feels totally natural, you can do the same in this context. Of course, it won't be necessary to rehearse too many times; just a few.

Next, when actually faced with the loud-mouthed screamer, decide to respond - not react.

This simply means that you take a moment to think, get your bearings, be the boss of yourself and your own emotions. Think: "I've rehearsed this; I know what to do."

Then, take the appropriate action. (The following example, of course, is generic. While you might have to adjust according to the situation, the "principle" will work.)

#1 Let the person complete their first outburst while keeping the expression on your face totally neutral and expressionless. You are neither approving nor condemning their actions.

#2 In a very calm, even-toned voice say, "Pat, I appreciate your concern and would like to be able to work with you on this. Unfortunately, I can't be of any help to you while you're yelling."

At this point, Pat learns that you refuse to be intimidated, yet - and this is so important - by not yelling back (challenging) you haven't backed Pat into a corner where it's either yell back at you or admit defeat.

Remember that, assuming you want this transaction to work out, you don't want to cause Pat to feel defeated and embarrassed. That will almost ensure that you won't get anything but resentment.

By not yelling back, you don't back the other party into a corner

Pat, being a bully (and usually - though not always - bullies are cowards at heart), would then try and find another way to sabotage you and the situation.

Other effective phrases when facing the loud-mouthed screamer include:

"Tom, I'm happy to discuss this situation with you but not if you're going raise your voice. When you're ready to discuss it with me calmly, I'm here for you."

"Barbara, I appreciate your concern. Before I can even work with you on this, however, you need to respect me enough to talk to me adult to adult and not yell."

"Tim, I'm sure you're very good at what you do, but it's very difficult for me to concentrate while I'm being yelled at. If I can't concentrate, then I'm not in a position to be able to help you accomplish what you want."

(Knowing you have not said or done anything to offend the person, you ask) "Diane, I'm wondering if I've said or done something to offend you. If so, I'd be happy to apologize. I just can't think of any other reason you'd be shouting at me instead of just speaking to me."

Quick note: Always follow point #1, which is to let the person complete their first outburst while keeping the expression on your face totally neutral and unresponsive. Then follow point #2 and maintain a very calm, even-toned voice when using these examples.

Bob Burg of Burg Communications,Inc is author of EndlessReferrals: Network Your Everyday Contacts Into Sales, Winning Without Intimidation and The Success Formula. Check out his full line of books, ebooks and CDs from which everyone can grow and prosper at his online store. Bob also publishes a wide-acclaimed free weekly ezine, Winning Without Intimidation. Subscribe here. Sign up here for a free subscription to Bob's Endless Referrals Video Brief.

Some Related Articles:

When NOT to Listen
Don't Be Intimidated By The Overly Persistent
How to Defuse Other People's Anger
Want To Grab Them By The Throat And Knock Them Senseless?
The Frown, the Smirk and the Snort
Go Ahead - Push My Buttons!
What's Stopping You From Speaking Up?
Do You Mind If Someone Screams At You?