Resolve Conflicts
with 'Yes!' Triggers

Anticipate what you want out of a situation before you go into it

Determining your goal in advance will help you save time. If you know exactly what you want, and your clients know what they want, it will be much easier to reach a compromise. If you don't know what it is you want, how can you ask for it?

Demonstrate good will up front

Demonstrate your willingness to compromise. If you look at your client with a glare and talk through clenched teeth, you will only intensify the negative energy.

Be professional. Take a few deep breaths and go in to the situation with an open mind. This will show a commitment to your own standard of behavior.

Know that "less is often more"

Regardless of your frustration level, try not to be confrontational. Listen attentively, and keep your motions and voice smooth and calm. Yelling will accomplish nothing more than an increased heart rate.

Remember an argument has two sides

Don't forget to listen. Try not to be too pushy. Just because you know exactly what you want, it doesn't necessarily mean you're going to be able to get it. Resolving an argument relies 99% on compromising.

It can't be that bad

If the situation has escalated to the point that you don't even want to be in the same room with your client, you need to step back and look at everything in a new light.

More than likely, you and your client were on good terms to begin with. You may find that you tend to focus only on your good qualities and especially on your client's bad ones.

Remind yourself that just as you have negative qualities, your client has positive qualities.

Step back far enough to see the situation as from your client's perspective

Are you egging the situation on? Take a minute to see if you are making the situation more difficult than it needs to be. By purposely being rude to irritate your client, you will only cause the fight to last longer.

Don't accuse!

When you're talking to someone you're angry with, it's often very easy to accuse them of being at fault. For example: "YOU don't make any sense. YOU are irritating." This automatically causes others to be defensive: "Yes I do make sense! YOU are irritating."

Instead, refer to yourself and your feelings. No one can argue with that. Instead of the example above, you could say, "I don't feel that I understand where you're coming from. I feel irritated."

This prevents the person you're arguing with from feeling that they need to defend themselves. They can't reject what you say you feel.

Don't assume your client is lying

If you think they are lying, keep asking questions rather than accusing them of misrepresentation. Asking questions gives you the time to see if, in fact, you were mistaken, thus possibly saving face for yourself.

Don't focus on the negatives

More than likely, there will be things you and your client will have to "agree to disagree" on. Once you've determined you absolutely cannot compromise on these things, leave them alone and work on the things you can compromise on.

Don't assume you make sense

Just because you understand what you want doesn't mean that your clients will.

Do not presume that the other person recognizes all the benefits of what you are proposing. Ask your client if they understand where you're coming from and be prepared to answer their questions.

Copyright © Kare Anderson, Say It Better Center.

Emmy winning TV commentator turned public speaker, Kare Anderson shows how to communicate to connect. From scientists to salespeople, thousands have learned to become happier and higher-performing with others by adopting her life-affirming methods. Kare is the founder of Say It Better Center, where you'll find a superb collection of free articles and excellent books, electronic and regular, by Kare and other communication experts. A visit is highly recommended.

Some Related Articles:
Conflict Resolution: Simple But Not Easy (Blame Your Gremlin!)
Avoid Taking Sides by Reframing Conflict
The Hidden Cost of Conflict
Culture and Conflict
Fourteen Strategies to Handle Conflict
Why Aren't You Talking to Me?
The Adjusted Winner: An Advanced Communication Approach
Six Tips for Redirecting Highly Charged Conversations
Resolving Conflict Without Punching Someone Out
Conflict Conversations: Deepen Your Understanding By Listening for Word Pictures
Managing Conflicts in High-tech Environments
Unravelling the Mystery of Conflict
We Have to Talk:A Step-By-Step Checklist for Difficult Conversations

Search for further content on the topic of your choice:

Home   Effective Communication Skills  Business Communication   Resource Guide    About Azriel